literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
