you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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