i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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