just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
