My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
