i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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