you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
