im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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