Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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