I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
