so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
