Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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