you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
