Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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