Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize