Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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