My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
smell my finger.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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