I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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