my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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