I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
