your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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