She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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