Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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