He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
