I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize