I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
