Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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