Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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