I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
