battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
