We got so high we made milksteak
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize