he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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