I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
