You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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