My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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