We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
