Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
