Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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