6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
