You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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