My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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