there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
