rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize