it's not cheating when I paid for it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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