he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
is that a dick in a sweater?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
