I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
