btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
