I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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