I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
