you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
