You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
