I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
