oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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