how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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