my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize