a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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