I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
